North Harbour vs Wellington North Harbour Stadium, Albany 7:35pm, Friday 26 August 2011
28	29
Tries: D Raikuna (2), C Smylie, J Parsons Cons: B Botica Pens: B Botica (2)	Tries: F Levave, H Gear Cons: L Sopoaga (2) Pens: L Sopoaga (5)
Halftime: 23 - 10

I'm not going to bag them for their second-half capitulation, mainly because even an old blind syphilitic spastic knew that we were never going to reproduce in the second half the orgasmatron of rugby loveliness that we somehow managed to spank out in the first. When Chris Smylie ran through their team and flicked that pass in to Parsons, it was like watching a Best of Benji Marshall highlights reel whilst snorting coke and masturbating, and I strongly recommend all of those things to you youngsters out there reading this.

As usual, though, we fucked up. Wellington stepped up their efforts, gleaned hundreds of penalties from the border-line spastic officials, and Sopoaga slotted every cunting one of them down the middle. Not that we can have much scope for complaint following one of Raikuna's tries, during which he received a pass from Wulf that was propelled so far forward that the winger had to retrieve it from tomorrow.

On the plus side, the team fought hard even when they were playing like poos, and to come away with a couple of bonus points was important because it means that we're able to have a good laugh at Tasman. For forty minutes of this game - as with most games throughout the season - we were good enough to foot it with the best of teams. Unfortunately, our other forty minutes were despairingly awful. My recommendation is that we pump the whole team full of speed, steroids, and testosterone an hour before the game, then again at half-time for a wee pick-me-up.

So endeth another season. Just as well because I'm running out of language techniques to describe us. I suppose if we were to look at a turning point in the season, it was at the first whistle of the opening game when all our hopes began to tumble into the sewers of despair to which we have become so accustomed. Onward and upward.

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On another note, best wishes to Mike Reid who's had to call it quits on his career owing to injury. According to sources close to us, he's something of a rarity among professional rugby players in that he possesses both a brain and a degree that isn't 'Sports Science' and hasn't been bought from an online university, so he should be fine.