North Harbour vs Taranaki North Harbour Stadium, Albany 2:35pm, Saturday 23 October 2010
47	49
Tries: M Luamanu (3), J King (2), C Smylie Cons: M Harris (4) Pens: M Harris (3)	Tries: G Pisi (2), J Hayward, M Schwalger, S Vunisa, D Smith Cons: B Barrett (5) Pens: B Barrett (3)
Halftime: 32 - 18

So, a couple of us took a stroll along the Boulevard of Broken Dreams to the Theatre of Ratepayers' Burden to administer last rites and ensure that the last nail was firmly driven home, and I'd have to say that - even though we lost - it was all rather good fun in the sun.

I made sure to purchase all my beer before the game started, figuring that this would cover two distinct possibilities: 1) That, later in the game, the queues for beer would get much too long and that I'd have to fight my way through the teeming Harbour hordes to get some; and 2) That the beer would run out because it was sunny and the caterers wouldn't have expected people to want a drink. Only one of those was ever a real possibility, kids: can you guess which?

We sat and watched what appeared to be a training run of passing drills, with very little contact. Even the big Taranaki number four felt the liberation as he went dancing away with the ball in one hand and offloaded it Carlos Spencer-style to his jinky ex-Scum winger. We were up by quite a bit at half-time, but we weren't fooled and within 15 minutes of the restart, we were behind because we've only had 12 games to work on our abysmal starts to the second half and that's not enough in anyone's book. However, Matt Luamanu set about single-handedly re-establishing some impetus by smashing his forearm into a prospective tackler's face then trampling all over a couple of others on his way to his second of three tries.

Harris's missed conversion at the death was predictable enough, because he's been our best player by a mile all season and has had, I think, the best kicking percentage in the competition this year. I suppose when God vomits on your team all season, he makes sure that the carrots and melted cheese land on the one guy who deserves it least.

I had to have a wee smile at Jack McPhee leading the side out. I could sense the tightening sphincters of the other harbourrugby.com correspondents at that little sight. Congratulations to the lad: 50 games means he's now got as many under his jumper as Georgie Pisi, who managed to bag two tries and looked the goods. We miss that cute little baby-faced Judas bastard. Come back soon, please, Georgie, you turncoat arsehole. All is forgiven, wanker. Our Pisi didn't score, but he looked good in space, beat his man a lot - not in a sexual way - and appears to have fostered a step off the right to go with his one of the left. He used it to good effect.

There we go, then - another season done. Let's not break with tradition by leaving on a happy note, though. It must be said that the Taranaki jersey is even more repulsive in real-life than it is on the telly, and we can only hope that the syphilitic sight-impaired lunatic who designed that abomination is tied to a pillory in the seventh chamber of hell listening to Basshunter. (I think we might even have a MacDaddy in our archive which says as much, read it here)

All the best, Mikey Harris, for your sojourn abroad. We gave you some shit in your shaky first season - more the coach's fault for piling on too much pressure too early - but you really are class now.