There are few certainties in life, blonde goddesses on Takapuna beach with a cheeky thong/fake tan ensemble, the endless revolution of mother earth around the sun, two-a-day share milking and Harbour losing in New Plymouth.

Why we thought it would be any different is beyond divine comprehension. We sit with boyish enthusiasm and wondrous hope only to see a parade of pies throw away any chance of making the semi-finals in our first attempt.

Maybe I was caught up with the Olympics returning to their symbolic home, thinking, nae hoping, that such "pure" and proud sporting endeavour would wash over our team like a youth-fulfilling alexia.

Nope.

It is traditional in these reports to poke fun at the unfortunate folk from "under the mountain" (Mt Egmont for the geographically challenged and readers who are not bound by the moral rigors of PC literature) and their inbred lifestyles. Bestiality with their favourite livestock, a fascination with bovine erotica and multiple limbs produced by evil fornication has littered the harbourugby.com archives.

Sadly this good-natured ribbing wears thin even for the heartiest supporter as he realises the gravity of the season, which is about to unfold before his not overly disbelieving eyes.

We started well enough with a brace to young Rudolph and sound place-kicking of boy wonder McAlister. Both Tuitavake and Gear Junior looked exciting with ball in hand, pity it could be the last time either of them see it before one departs to Wellington and the other to Kobe Steel.

The forwards are a definite concern. This was alluded to in the pre-competition preview and the initial analysis is beginning to bear some fruit. I worried for weeks over the pack and the shortcomings shown last night only have reinforced my slightly harsh assessment. Hopefully the return of Woodcock and Newby (dispensation-seeking w**ker) will boost this area of our game and feed the backs some quality pill.

The arrival of young Zar Lawrence and a sound performance from Brent Wilson and Marty Veale were the highlights for me and we can't ignore the fact that two crucial bonus points were secured. The more unusual events were the reserves that were subbed excessively and the removal of the captain Joe Ward. I hope Pollock isn't the monkey I fear he is.

The only good thing to come out of the weekend was the Bay of Plenty taking the Shield off the scum for the first time in their history. If the Bay can do it then it does offer some semblance of hope to our motley crew, though they have heart and we have peanuts.