It was the week before the start of the season as the masses huddled beneath the Stadium of Ratepayers' Burden. Only the comfort of some over-priced beer-water and a crusty old steak 'n cheese kept the minds of the few firmly focused on the last hit-out of the pre-season.

The opponents were as promised the mighty Taniwha from the rural north. Three of their fans also made the long journey down Highway 1 after first knocking off a small TAB outside Ruawhai.

They sadly were to be disappointed with their normally gallant and proud side. In fact Northland were complete pants, and if that is the extent of what 64 clubs can muster I would start amalgamating forthwith.

Our lot, led out by the king of paedophilia himself (the Harbourmaster, not Sharky) looked reasonably composed and assured of their slightly limited ability.

Newsflash... It has been quite some time since I laid eyes on a player with true class and natural talent. Luke McAlister is that player and I want it to be known that I rate him and he will become a legend (unless he is targeted from day one, massacred by loose forwards and cast into the great-hope-that-wasn't pile).

We started well, went to sleep after half-time and finished strongly. Those in the know will immediately identify this as the 17 year old ancient Harbour recipe for under-achievement. Standout performances went to the front-row, Blair Urlich, Sharky, McAlister, Evans and Penney.

To sum up the pre-season we looked average until Saturday eve. How this will fit into the full season remains a mystery, but there was a small argument for positive rugby displayed in the weekend. I think it is a blessing that we have a relatively easy start to the campaign and it will be extremely necessary to dominate that encounter which looms in an almost sexual nature on the footballing horizon that is the NPC....