Losses to Auckland are heart-breaking but, increasingly, to be expected as our team gets manifestly raped by the NZRFU's darling big five. On the other hand, losses to North Harbour A (masquerading as Otago) when we should be up by 30 at half-time are inexcusable. Nick Evans is a Judas, and we were shit.

The media seems to have got quite excited about this being a classic 'game of two halves' and have bandied around adjectives like "bizarre", "comical", "strange", and "a f**king steaming pile of wank" (although that last one also had 2 nouns, a preposition, and an indefinite article included, and was, in fact, the harbourrugby.com organ of the media). The tight five were good, for a while, and then they weren't. The backs were anus. We scored a crap try that meant nothing.

I'm off to Rotorua on Friday in the hope that boiling mud and our team will provide me with respite from having to hang around lots of poor people. I realise I am being overly optimistic. We will lose.

I hope, then, that our team drowns in boiling mud and that the poor people leave me alone.