Tries: L Munro, B Gilmore
Cons: L Munro (2)
Pens: L Munro (4)

There was a sad feeling of inevitability about this fixture, like a semi-detached red caboose teetering slowly out of control.

It was as certain as a conflict of interest in the Auckland Rugby Judiciary - who would of thought that Grammar might have an interest in the hearings...hard to believe.

Time to talk to the coach.

Dear Mr Dowd

I've given you a few weeks to get things right but quite frankly I think you maybe a bit out of your depth, either that or you have plainly lost your way young man. Last night was battle between two teams sadly out of form and ticker. Losing such a game is tantamount to treason.

After the the largely unexpected win against Canterbury, Harbour have participated in three of the most spiritless displays of rugby I have ever seen. Craig, let me tell you, I have been present at my fair share of average games at Albany and Takapuna but what we are dishing-up at the moment is utter poo-poo and you are to blame.

This Union deserves more than what you are currently responsible for and changes are needed pretty quick otherwise your next assignment might be getting us out of Heartland Rugby. When you have played for Auckland, this website will always treat you with a small amount of contempt but you are just not helping yourself, cometh the hour, cometh the man Dowdy.

Losing 26-23 to a team who is likely not to exist in the near future is not good for the resume, which to be fair ,didn't have a lot of coaching in it.

I feel a bit sorry for you so I will give you a hand.

• Take your captain off the wing, I don't care if the misguided fella thinks he's destined for the All Blacks, he needs to be in the centre. His defence is a bit average but he is class going forward and the backs need all the help they can get.
• George Pisi is not a midfield back, never was and never will be. He needs to go to fullback. McPhee needs to go the the Development side.
• We need to offer a bit more when the backs get the precious ball. Lets try keeping it on hand and thumb our collective noses at kicking away the pig-skin which has cropped up in national rugby. It works for Manawatu...
• The forwards are not going that badly but have to be a bit more clinical with try scoring opportunities, get ball across line, easy.
• We need a 7, don't care where you get him from but without someone getting us ball at the breakdown we are shagged.
• Possibly also need an 8, please don't be afraid to pick someone who doesn't have a well-known rugby surname.
• Try to avoid runaway tries.

So if you follow the above, despite playing for the Scum, you will be far more effective.

Take it from someone who knows. (not about playing for the Scum)