Tries: S Tuitupou, I Nacewa,
S Lauaki, B Mika, B Atiga
Cons: C Spencer (2)
Pens: C Spencer

As we waked through the valley into the shadow of death I felt relative calm. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn’t “power-sculled” five pints of the Poe’s overpriced amber nectar, maybe I had already resigned myself to defeat or perhaps it was the spooky fact that it was ten years to the day that we first beat these a**e-holes on their own front porch.

Whatever the reason, in hindsight it was obviously a good omen to what was about to unfold before my disbelieving eyes.

We started like a scared, isolated rabbit looking over his shoulder only to find a hungry wolf complete with napkin, eating utensils and appropriate condiments. Rawlinson (looks like a menacing redneck out of a poor Steven Segal film) knocked the ball back into “no mans land“, this was recovered by a diving Tuitupou and promptly Harbour went behind by seven points after less than 60 seconds on the clock. My heart sank lower than the ship that hit the iceberg and took on a wee bit of water. I sought refuge in the bar and tried to hide my frustration and rage in 10 cans of Tui.

The scum scored again and again. No longer was the alcohol enough to suppress my utter humiliation. Luke got a penalty but at 22-3 I was not extra positive.

The recovery was nothing short of a footballing masterpiece and devine intervention. We had seen glimpses of this in the Canterbury game but after losing to the thespian tossers from the capital, I thought this preverial "well" might have all but dried up.

Newby charged down a kick and scored followed by Rico who responded in kind. McAlister’s kicking display (100% and 19 points in total) was one of the highlights of the year for me and quite frankly, very arousing. It’s not often you can use a player from Silverdale and sexual references together unless you are debating the moral and ethical issues surrounding inter-marriage.

So it was 22-17 going into the break and although my confidence was renewed, I certainly wasn’t getting carried away with myself unless you count a quick trip to a secluded toilet cubicle.

Fast forward through to the 70th minute and Ben Atiga had scored and at 32-27 looked to have the game in the bag. Enter Rico the magnificent once again from stage right and a delightful little run to pass Muliania and score the greatest of all tries. McAlister’s conversion was nothing short of spectacular and Harbour had secured a memorable win over the f-uckers from Shitsville.

To beat the scum at their home patch is a very satisfying feeling indeed. Follow that up with more cans of Tui and lashings of Merlot, the day can be described as a pretty good one. As I drifted off into an alcohol-fuelled haze I took some satisfaction from the fact that I have never missed a victory over the auld enemy. Even when you think you are too old to “get up for another season” results like this come along and deposit a few dollars in the bank of enthusiasm.

I awoke with a man chiselling a hole through my skull and a stomach churning and revolving like Cyclone Bola howling down the Hauraki Gulf. I also had a smile on my face and my new Harbour jersey stuck proudly to my whisky-matted body hair.

Paradise.

Maybe the Super 12 gentry might give us a Blues place out of it…not.

Footnote:

I have been a bit conscious this season of being negative towards North Harbour and it’s respective personnel. This is not intentional; it’s just the way I choose to write. At harbourrugby.com we call it how we see it and base our opinions on our passion for the game/region rather than get ourselves bogged down with facts and accuracy. Most of what we say is written in the heat of the moment and long forgotten.

I would like to finish by offering my second retraction: Luke McAlister had an outstanding game on Saturday, one of the finest I’ve ever seen. I stated that he would be a disappointment this season. I based this on a gut feeling rather than his obvious ability. Far from being a disappointment, he is rapidly becoming a very complete footballer.

For the record my first retraction was after abusing and chastising the great Buck Shelford saying he should walk. He went on to lead Harbour to 7 straight wins and a berth in the semi-finals.