Where are they then?

It’s 2010, and we’re looking back at the young blood that comprised the Harbour 2007 side. It was a side that was much-maligned for its performances on the field, but one which was, we were assured by coach Pivac, very much building for the future. As we know in this day and age of professional rugby, building a future is very important…

George Pisi: currently on a four-year, $150000 a year contract with Toulouse. His silky skills and warm, friendly smile has made him a hit with the locals. Also, possessing a modicum of intelligence, he has picked up a fair bit of French and has a nice local girlfriend. Quote: “I think about Massey sometimes. Okay, I don’t.”

Vili Waqaseduadua: 2007 was the breaking of him. After two great seasons in 2005 and 2006, his star began to fade principally because he never got the ball in space. Moved to Otago for 2008, where he spent most of his time on the bench, before taking up a lucrative contract with a French second-division side. Quote: “God was testing me in 2007. He told me to move to Otago but when I realized what a shit-hole [editor’s interpretation] it was, he guided me to the South of France. Everything happens for a reason.”

Anthony Tuitavake: Moved to Auckland for more cash. Shone like a big, fat, fucking star. Carved us up. In the ABs squad. Quote: “I loved my time at Harbour. Apart from the shit times.”

Mike Harris: Hung around for a couple of years. Just long enough to put together a nice video-cv (it was edited professionally and the cutting-room floor was wholly obscured by the end of it) that scored him a contract with a second-tier side in Japan. Quote: “Maybe I got thrown in a bit too early at the deep-end.”

Rudi Wulf: Still at Harbour. Yay! Quote: “I wish I’d been thrown in at the deep end.”

Tusi Pisi: Went to France at the end of 2007, just when he started to not be bad. Quote: “I’ve kicked 46 from 50 this season.” Yeah, cheers.

Daniel Devereaux: Working in the UK. Playing rugby for a prominent Sunday league team. Quote: “Rugby isn’t everything.”

Nick Williams: Tired of toiling for fuck-all, he easily picked up a contract with a Top League side in Japan at the end of 2008. Looking at residency and possible game-time with the national side. “Winning the Shield was my greatest moment in rugby. The rest of the time at Harbour I felt like I was shoveling shit up a hill.”

Tom Chamberlain and Robbie Colhoun: Never mind 2010, where the fuck are they in 2007?

Greg Rawlinson: Still in the UK. “Harbour was good. I liked it. I also like money, which is why I have to go. For the family, you understand.”

Anthony Boric: Had an anonymous 2007. Moved to the U.K. Quote: “I was a great player at Harbour but under-appreciated. No matter how often I told them, they wouldn’t listen.”

Ben Afeaki: Made improvements since his erratic debut season, but was plagued with weight problems. Beefed up to 183kgs for the 2010 season, then burst. Quote: “Faaaaaaaa. Hungry as, bro!”

James Hinchco: Went to Europe to seek fame and fortune. Last seen at the Munich Oktoberfest in 2009. Whereabouts since, unknown.

James Afoa: Moved to Japan in 2009 to join Nick Williams’ Top League side. Quote: “I really, really miss Northcote*, with its sodden fields and vague gang links. Like fuck.”

Wayne Pivac: took up a coaching job in England at the end of 2008, with some success. Quote: “It’s all about putting the right team in place. Youth will develop and mature and they’ll be good players at the end of it if you bear with them and have a little patience. Of course, if you’re not one of the Big Five, then you won’t have the money to hold on to them and they’ll fuck off overseas, but you can’t blame the players for that. They’ve got families to think of.”

(*Northcote the place, not the club. Lest we get served with a defamation writ.)