"At harbourrugby.com we have maintained concerted disinterest in the Super 12 and this campaign has intensified since the inclusion of North Harbour in the Blues franchise.  Whilst never feeling particularly pleased with the Chiefs outfit, we nevertheless were able - under the heavy influence of intoxicating liquids - to pop down to Hamilton, drink ourselves into a mess and slur anti-Auckland slogans, thus finding a commonality with the degenerate cro-magnom sub-humans of the Waikato.  

Men with shoulders where their necks should be and six fingers where there should only be five would cast pejorative looks in our direction and offer us grunts containing up to seven vowels (usually 'u-u-u') and no consonants as we entered the Stadium of Dung in our Harbour jerseys.  We would retort to their tired cries of "see mate, there is life south of the Bombays" (every person who said it did so as though they'd just thought it up that second and everyone around them would laugh as though they had never heard it, despite having themselves said it not five minutes prior) with "where are the Bombays, mate (with ironic tone, as we wouldn't normally be seen dead within 50 miles of the ugly bastards)?  There's no life south of the Harbour Bridge".

Yet by the end of the game we were united, not so much by any love for the Chiefs (they did; we simply loved Frank, Walter and the the rest of the Harbour gang) but in our seething hatred for The Scum.  Then we were unified with The Scum, the team we have spent the past decade and a half despising; the team who provide us with a reason to hate; the team who assist in offering us our independence.  

Suddenly the NZRFU and the Auckland Rugby Union (in conjunction with some of the Harbour big-wigs who saw a self-serving opportunity to move their drinks cabinets into the plusher surrounds of Eden Park) expected Harbour (and Northland) fans to bend over and receive a king-sized reaming, then thank them for the unwanted intrusion by turning up to matches.

Well, justice is being served.  It has been reported from a reliable source that when the Blues played at North Harbour Stadium, there was a small but significant group of gents who stood up the entire game chanting "Harbour, Harbour", and when some disgruntled Aucklanders told them to support the Blues, the lads responded by chanting louder.  Beautiful.  Further, at the beginning of the season, the powers-that-be tried to launch a 'get behind the Blues' campaign which failed miserably partly due to a number of fans seeing the Blues set-up as a fat, selfish bunch of Auckland corporates with no heart for the game, but mainly because THE BLUES ARE F**KING USELESS!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  Oops, lost my temperament for a moment there.

"But there are North Harbour players in the Blues," say the whining maggots with peanuts for hearts.  "I DON'T F**KING CARE!!  As long as they're playing for a team I hate, I can comfortably block them out: no one player is bigger than the union.  This is the point that many people fail to grasp.  I will back an Australian side against the Blues; I will back a South African side against the Blues.  This does not make me a subversive traitor of the nation; it simply means I hate the Blues more than the others, which is perfectly logical because they are geographically closer and the we hate the things we hate because they're close.  I don't hate the South African teams because I really don't give a shit about them. Many New Zealanders can' understand why Liverpool fans would want Man United to lose to Bayern Munich - amen to that - but it's really very elementary: the rivalry runs deep.  Those same fans will support their national team with similar devotion, even if it is dominated by United players.  (It makes it easier to whinge about it when they lose, too!  Bonus!)

We must not stop the momentum: the Blues failure this season has been a laugh-out-loud, happy-as-a-pig-in-shit bonus for the hardcore Harbour fans but we must intensify our efforts next season.  We should abandon our tautological 'campaign of disinterest' and begin a Campaign of Disobedience.  We should attend Blues matches - preferably by scamming tickets through businesses so we don't have to fund the Auckland Rugby Union coffers - in Harbour regalia and turn our backs to the action for the duration of the game.  We should burst sporadically into songs of glorious Harbour days of yore.  We should invent some glorious Harbour days of yore to sing about.  We should get t-shirts printed: "Super 12 Rugby: Corporate Wank", and "Blues Do Nothing For Harbour".  It'll be fun.  And I need something to do in between the cricket season and the internationals."