Conspiracy Theories!
04 August 2011

Now, if you are like me you will have one member of your family who is a bit nuts with a drink in them or one of these conspiracy theorists who believes that everything in life is being run by a handful of evil empire dudes who are controlling us all and brainwashing us to believe what they tell us.

That got me thinking about Harbour and some of the conspiracy theories that I could come up with. I say come up with because that is what I mean, there is no factual truth behind this unless you the masses could shed light otherwise, so here is 5 of my craziest conspiracy theories.

1. Brett Hollister is an Auckland plant at Harbour to ensure that we never get our sh*t together and become the "noisy neighbour" of a so called NZ rugby super power. He is guaranteed a well paid job after life at Harbour and will be endorsed by those involved across the bridge at Scum HQ.
2. The reason that there are so many Whetton's, Mayhew's and Botica's in the system is that they are some of the masterminds behind the introduction of Hollister and are guaranteeing their pension top ups by getting their lads enough game time to warrant overseas contracts where they can earn top dollars. The Mayhew's had 5 in the Harbour system at one point with the 2 doctors helping the3 amigo's with their roid plans and injury management. Is that a coincidence or just plain taking the p*ss???
3. Harbour were created to keep the children of Eugene Terr Blanche interested in rugby whilst pro creating with the Shore local slappers to produce super rugby players for the All Blacks of the future. It would seem that the mad experiment went wrong and what happened was they pro created with the slappers from Glenfield and created super slappers who dominate and infiltrate all good local bars on the Shore.
4. Harbour look to appoint the most untested coaches who are here to learn their craft and at the same time ensure a continued string of poor results so that Auckland look good. By using average coaches who have limited experience (but have been water boys for the blues, sandwich technicians at English club Wasps or the tea boy at Murray Mexted's rugby camp for kids) Harbour can continue to proclaim that they are a union built around growth and development whilst delivering abject performances and delivering f*ck all!
5. The dwindling player stocks at senior rugby is actually a ploy by Harbour Hollister and The Auckland Evil Lords to press on with their devious plan of super club creation and their dream of a super NPC side when Harbour finally closes its doors and heads back to the mother ship after years of being able to make Auckland look great. The 5 clubs left of the Shore will then be able to play against each other in division 9 of the Auckland competition below the U85kg grade.

They sound like far fetched rants of a crazy man I admit but then some of the stuff my brother comes up with over the Sunday dinner table are just as bad. Maybe, just maybe there is some truth in these we just don't know it yet.

Mairangi Murray - throwing conspiracy theories from the terraces.